If you don’t ask, you don’t get. But what do you do if you are terrible at asking for what you want? I recently discovered that there’s a book for that!
“Hard asks made easy” by Laura Fredricks, ASK expert, will give you practical, actionable tips on how to get exactly what you want by asking the right questions.
I listened to an interview with Laura on the How to be Awesome at Your Job podcast in which she talks through the five principles for asking.
Principle 1
Frame what you want in very specific terms. What do you want by when? Specificity narrows the scope of objections and a time bound request is more likely to improve the responsiveness even if there are objections you can talk through. Think of the difference between these two asks. Shall we go out of town for a quick break next weekend? Can we decide by end of day tomorrow on whether we will go to X, Y or Z for a quick break?
Principle 2
Write down at least 15 objections that you may encounter and how you will respond to each? Using the example above, you might get the following challenges. I have to work again, I can’t go. It’s too expensive, let’s not spend money. I’m not in a mood. We can’t leave the dogs alone. And so on. What Laura teaches is to think through your response to each objection that could come up. Be creative and think hard of all the possible objections. 15 is given as the number of objections to aim for so that you can go deeper than just thinking through the obvious ones. This level of preparation improves your odds of getting to yes faster.
Principle 3
Deliver your ask with supreme confidence. It should not be a weak ask. Put your full passion into it. Your presence should exude your desire. Turn off distractions so you are fully present in the moment of your ask. You may want to stand when you ask, if appropriate.
Principle 4
Inevitably, you will get objections. You’re seldom going to get a yes straightaway because if that were the case then you would have not been hesitant to ask in the first place. Once you listen to the objections, play back what you heard. Make the other person feel fully heard and understood. Then you can take on each objection with your carefully thought through response.
Principle 5
Plan your response on the go. You may encounter objections you had not anticipated. Thinking on your feet will be required here. The prep you had done with the 15 questions you had anticipated is bound to help you get through unanticipated objections better.
Laura also shares her three rules of asking questions.
Be Prepared.
Be Personable.
Be Present.
The podcast also has other tips including the technique of two sentences and a question. You’ll learn more about the role of luck, chance and timing.
For me the biggest takeaway is that every time we ask an important question, we can make it a conversation and an opportunity to deepen your relationship with the other person.
Over to you now:
How do you rate your skills on asking questions?
Where might you put in more effort next time - in the prep or in summoning up the courage to ask?
What holds you back from asking for what you truly want?
"The quality of your life depends on the quality of questions you ask yourself and others."
-LAURA FREDRICKS